What I’d Say to Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce If They Wanted Me to Marry Them
Unless you’ve been sleeping under a rock, you’ve undoubtedly heard of female entertainer Taylor Swift. According to Billboard magazine, she and fellow female entertainer Beyoncé are the two greatest stadium fillers for 2023. Swift’s net worth is estimated to be $1.1 billion dollars. Her followers are called “Swifties” for their loyalty and devotion to her. Her “Eras” tour is set to break all-time records for attendance and revenue. She has become a cultural icon.
Though lesser known, Travis Kelce is the Super Bowl winning tight end for the NFL Kansas City Chiefs. He’s had a Hall of Fame career, especially since partnering with KC quarterback Patrick Mahomes. As a football fan, I marvel that Kelce always seems to be open when the football is thrown to him.
Swift and Kelce have developed a very public romance, fodder for the tabloids and garnering new fans for the NFL. I read that Swifties now watching the NFL for the first time to gain a glimpse of Taylor have generated over $331.5 million in what’s called ‘additional brand value’ for the Chiefs and the NFL.
I admit that they’re a cute couple. Their story is compelling. Swift has attended Kelce’s games whenever possible, and this year’s Super Bowl will be no different. After a performance in Japan, she’ll fly in her private jet to Las Vegas to watch her boyfriend compete for his third Super Bowl title in four years. After the game, she’ll jet to Australia for her next concert.
What if Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce got engaged and decided to get married? In the unlikely event that they would seek out someone like me (or any biblical pastor or counselor for that matter), what would I say to them and what questions would I ask them? Here’s a short list to consider for any couple contemplating marriage.
I’d commend them for wanting to get married but would still ask them why they want to do it
Marriage in our culture is often seen as a human construct or social convenience. A horizontal thing at best. But marriage is God’s idea. Consider Genesis 2:18-25, where a marriage between a man and a woman is part of the creation ordinances. Marriage is so important it’s put in the early chapters of the earliest book of the Bible.
I’d also point to Matthew 19:4-6 where Jesus affirms the Genesis mandate.
Finally, in Ephesians 5:21-32, the Bible talks about the reciprocal responsibilities of a husband and wife to mirror the relationship Jesus has with his people.
I’d ask them about their relationship with God
I use a corny illustration of an equilateral triangle with the man and woman at each of lower vertices and God on the top. I say something like, “As both of you grow closer to God, you grow closer to each other.” Depending on the couple’s response, I’d talk about their need to confess Christ as Savior and Lord if they had not done so already.
Now I’m not naïve enough to think that Jesus in your life eliminates marriage problems. Quite the contrary. I’ve had couples who checked all the boxes in counseling but struggled mightily in their marriage. And I’ve known couples who didn’t always give the ‘right’ answers but showed surprising maturity in working through their challenges.
That’s why I ask the God question. Jesus provides a common foundation for a couple seeking a lasting marriage.
I’d ask about their family history
We can’t eliminate our past or our family of origin. But we can redeem it. I ask couples what it was like growing up in their family. I’m often out of my depth here and will call for help from someone better trained and experienced in dealing with family trauma. But at least I’ve raised the issue and caused couples to think how much their families have affected them.
I’ve recently been reading through the patriarch stories in Genesis. For the most part, many of these people would not make the speaker invite list for a Focus on the Family conference! Like never before, I’ve noticed the jealousy, favoritism, and downright immorality in the line of God’s people. God doesn’t condone their actions, but he does redeem them. He uses these imperfect people in the lineage of Jesus.
I’d have them write down a list of reasons why they want to marry this particular person
A list reveals expectations, both realistic and unrealistic. A list enables me to talk about biblical agape love, the love that sent Jesus to the Cross (1 John 4:10; Romans 5:8). The love that is supernaturally self-sacrificing. The love that only God can provide in healing conflicts. The love that thinks of someone else’s highest good (1 Cor.13:4-7). A love that prevails despite another’s failings.
While romantic love is important, it is ephemeral. Better to build on solid foundation of God’s love in Jesus Christ.
I’d talk about sex
I’d talk to the couple about their present sexual relationship, not from curiosity but as a starting point. Premarital sex or an early pregnancy doesn’t doom a marriage. It can make it harder, but not always. The biblical ideal, of course, is that sex is reserved for marriage (Gen.2:24; 1 Cor.7:1-5).
When a couple is sexually active, I do ask them to abstain from sex until the marriage. I’ve often followed up with a hopefully non-threatening open-ended question, “How’s it going in what we talked about sex?” I don’t always receive the answer that I want to hear. But I keep asking.
Most importantly, I’d put them in a group of seasoned married couples, some younger some older, to hash things out
There’s something about talking to mature married couples who worked through conflict, both major and minor. If they’re mature, they don’t sugarcoat marriage. The stained glass, churchy image of marriage is quickly and rightfully shattered. In this kind of group where honesty and trust can be built quickly, lasting relationships can be established when the newly married couple hits the skids and encounters the inevitable speed bumps down the road.
To be honest, premarital and marital counseling are not my forte. But I’ve learned through my own marriage, these hard questions need to be asked.
I hope Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce meet Jesus. I hope they seek out biblical counsel for their possible marriage. But if not, we can keep praying. Praying for all those couples we know, married or unmarried, saved or unsaved, that their relationships would eventually thrive according to God’s design and purpose.