Urgent! Spiritual Friends Needed
Spiritual friendship is one of those terms I'd never heard of but probably unintentionally practiced. I first heard it in the writings of Eugene Peterson, the author of The Message Bible. He bases his premise on John 15:11-15 where Jesus says this:
“I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I’m no longer calling you servants because servants don’t understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I’ve named you friends because I’ve let you in on everything I’ve heard from the Father." (The Message)
Jesus calls us his friend. Now there's an infinite ontological [dealing with the nature of being; categorical] difference between us and Jesus as God. And scholarship that I read says that this friendship is more formal than the casual, non-committal friendships we form in our culture.
Nevertheless, Jesus calls us friends.
Peterson believes that our friendships as God's people should mirror that which we have with Jesus:
"Spiritual counsel, easy prayerful conversation between companions engaged in a common task, is less and less frequent...'Friend' sets us in a nonhierarchical, open, informal, spontaneous company of Jesus Friends, who verbally develop relationships of responsibility and intimacy by means of conversation...we simply talk out whatever feelings or thoughts are in our hearts as Jesus' friends" (The Wisdom of Each Other: A Conversation Between Spiritual Friends, p.17).
I agree with Peterson that we need more spiritual friendships in this isolated, technological, pandemic age. To be sure, there's a place for more structured, formal relationships and direct teaching. But where are those spiritual friends, those kind of people with whom we can pick up where we left off in a conversation that happened months or even years ago?
In his book, The Contemplative Pastor, Peterson says these conversations often center on small talk: ordinary, mundane, uninteresting details that comprise the bulk of life. For example, when I ask about a friend's son's Little League game, that conversation may evolve into something far deeper and more intimate.
But we're impatient with the ordinary. We want to discuss the big things. But we'll never get to the big things unless we engage in what Peterson calls "the ministry of small talk."
Finally, Peterson provides some parameters for spiritual friendships. In his book, Working the Angles: The Shape of Pastoral Integrity, he writes:
"Whether planned or unplanned, three convictions underpin these meetings: (1) God is always doing something: an active grace is shaping this life into a mature salvation; (2) responding to God is not sheer guesswork: the Christian community has acquired wisdom through the centuries that provide guidance; (3) each soul is unique; no wisdom can simply be applied without discerning the particulars of this life, this situation." (p.150).
We desperately need more spiritual friendships in the body of Christ. I consider them the glue that holds a community of believers together when times get tough.
Sadly, I have very few spiritual friends. I'm partly to blame because I too quickly interject my own thoughts and opinions into the conversation without paying attention to what God is doing in my friend's life. I'm impatient with the ordinary.
But I look for people as spiritual friends who are serious about God. That means they're serious about the Bible. Then it's a matter of gaining and growing trust in the friendship.
Jesus saw spiritual friendships as foundational to his mission. We can either imitate him by accomplishing his mission through friendships or just getting things done. The former is the Jesus Way. The latter is the way of the world.