3 Things I Learned While Mending Fences

Back when Dan asked me to be his bride, COVID-19 was still the top story in the news. Our method of sheltering in place consisted of exploring the Cascade trails in our hiking boots and snowshoes. And getting some outdoor projects done around his place.

One of the tasks on our to-do list was mending a pole fence. Fifty new poles. And that was just the front yard.

It turned out to be a fun project. And honestly, I felt like part pioneer woman and part operating room nurse—hefting heavy poles, handing appropriate tools to the Chief Surgeon Chief Fence-Mender.

Tape measure. Check. Level. Power screwdriver. Check. Check.

The phrase, mending fences, shows up in Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary. It means, “to improve or repair a relationship that has been damaged by an argument or disagreement.”

Life is made up of hard and holy moments. Some of the holiest occur when good communication and harmony flow freely between us and our people. And some of the most painful are a result of misunderstandings and hurtful things flung at each other, when the fragile fabric that makes up our most important relationships gets soiled, frayed, shredded to pieces.

With that in mind, here are 3 insights into fence-mending:

1. Repairing fences can take significant time and effort.

With Dan’s fence, there was the removing of old posts—some stubbornly held in place by multiple screws and bent nails. There was the uploading of new poles into the back of Dan’s truck, followed by the downloading and the measuring, sawing, hauling, and holding in place while the Chief Fence-Mender attached each new pole. (Did I already mention 50?)

It could take no less time and effort to repair relationship fences, which are infinitely more important than wooden fences.

2. The work can be painful at first. And costly.

Fifty poles don’t come free. And there was a rather angry bruise on my right side from hefting nine- and ten-foot shafts of wood off the saw table to the next section of fence. Oh… and a stiff back from collecting scrap wood and stacking it for our outdoor fire pit.

If or when people don’t respond positively to our first efforts at mending broken relationships, it can reinforce the pain that is already there. And it can be costly to our hearts if our efforts aren’t well received at first. But consider this thought from Wesley Furlong:

“It’s better to tear down pride than allow pride to tear down relationships.”

 3. Mending fences is always, always worth the effort.

Back in A.D. 55 or 56, the Apostle Paul wrote a letter to the believers in Rome. In it, he included these instructions:

 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” — Romans 12:18, NIV

It’s nearly impossible to live at peace with everyone.

But Paul isn’t saying that. He’s saying, Do your part.

And our part is to choose fence-mending. Even if it’s not reciprocated. Could there be some pain and inconvenience involved? Might our efforts not be received? There could be. They might not be.

Could it get costly? It could.

But would it be worth the time and effort? Absolutely.