What If You Could Be Vulnerable?
Dan and I planted a little weeping blue spruce in our front yard two years ago. Some might say she looks a bit Dr. Seuss-ish, but I think she’s beautiful.
For Christmas, we wrapped her in a string of lights, but in the dark, she appears droopier … as if she can’t bear up under the weight of the tiny white lights.
I don’t know if she’s overheard comments from people walking up to our front door: “What an odd-looking tree,” but she’s never mentioned any insults. She doesn’t seem to care that she can’t stand tall and straight. And so, I keep telling her how beautiful and brave she is.
Dr. Brené Brown once said:
“Vulnerability is not about winning, and it’s not about losing. It’s about having the courage to show up and be seen. … It’s tough to do that when you’re terrified about what people might see or think.”
This describes our little weeping blue spruce. She shows up every day. Courageously. And doesn’t care what people think of her.
It was Nanea Hoffman who said:
“I hope you remember that when you let people see the messy, flawed, goofy reality of you, it’s like you’re giving them a gift. Some people won’t appreciate it, but others will smile with relief and recognition and say, ‘Oh, thank GOODNESS. I’m not the only one!’”
We’re all flawed and messy and bent out of shape. But here’s the thing: we shouldn’t be afraid to show this imperfect side because it’s what makes us real.
Being open about who we are and what we struggle with is risky business. What if the person you’re being honest with doesn’t handle your vulnerable self with carefulness? What if that person stomps on the heart you’ve just opened to them? That’s risky stuff.
But not taking those risks, not opening our hearts to be loved—or stomped on—is far worse than risking love and being loved in return.
God and his epic risk
After God created the heavens and the earth, and all the creatures in the water, on land, and in the sky … and after he saw that it was good, God said:
“Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. – Genesis 1:26-27
God took a huge risk. And, of course, because he is God and not bound by time, he knew it would turn out badly. He knew his heart would be broken. And yet he made himself vulnerable. He opened his heart to having kids, but also to experiencing pain from those very same kids.
It’s always worth the risk to let people in. Because when we carry people closely, not held at arm’s length, and when we reveal who we really are and what we grapple with—which could cause people to proclaim, “What? You too?!”—well, that kind of courage enlarges our lives.
If I could give you a New Year’s gift for 2024, it would be the courage to share your heart. I want you to not fear being defenseless at times, to not be afraid to ask for help. I want for you the gift of bravery and resilience.
