Then There Was Mary
Mary Crawford 1937-2022
A bit ago a memorial service was held for a dear friend, Mary. Having a part of the service was a gift, and the time turned out to be just what a celebration of a believer's life should be. Long ago I was taught that there are three goals of a good funeral: Highlight the guest of honor, Comfort the bereaved, and Challenge those remaining. The service touched all those bases and the topper was all the faces of friends who showed up. It was as much a celebration and reunion as a funeral, and we left refreshed, encouraged and alive with hope. Allow me a minute to tease out the three goals.
Highlight the Guest of Honor
Mary and her twin sister were born in 1937 in Bend on hospital hill in the old brick St. Charles, a stone's throw from the church building where we held the service. Her life revolved around her faith, family, and friends, her two husbands, two children, many grandchildren and great-grands. As I sat with the family in their house, stories easily tumbled out about Mary's joyful spirit, infectious laugh, skilled sewing, a faithful friend and devoted follower of Jesus, snappy dresser, savvy shopper. and sharp wit.
Her son recalled one Sunday when he was around 11 when mom got the giggles in church. He didn't get it until she pointed out that she had dashed out of the house wearing two different shoes. Her daughter added that Mary made all of her clothes until late in grade school when they went shopping for a first pair of store-bought corduroy pants. Mary's adult granddaughter regaled us with stories of Mary loving to shop, and her son-in-law suggested it might be appropriate to spread some of her ashes in Macy's, her happy place.
When her twin, Nancy, left for college, she and Mary began a daily letter writing discipline that continued throughout their lives. Mary continued writing to her children and grands. Getting a letter from her meant the kids either did something good or some other thing to be questioned. She was committed to her family making the best decisions. Mary died with the family surrounding her bedside, just the way she had hoped.
Comfort the Bereaved
Not too long before she passed, Mary wrote a letter to her son-in-law and in it talked openly of her faith, her love for the family, and her desire for them to know Jesus as she had known him. Here is a snippet of the letter that I have permission to share.
We each worship God in our own way, I have found that I need fellowship with Christians and need to be fed by the sermons of a godly pastor, church attendance is a natural part of my life....I just want Jesus to be very real to you. You have called on me at various times with prayer requests, what a thrill for a mother to be called on by her children to pray for them, their children, or the needs of their friends....I can't imagine a life without God. He has been with me through the worst of times and the happiest of times. May he be as real to you as he is to me.
I don't know why I have chosen this time to write this letter. I know God will call me home in his perfect time, if that is soon or if it's years away, I am confident that I am ready to meet him....
This letter opens a window into a faith life we all can draw comfort from.
Mary's faith filled her with hope, and we can share in that, as well. Jesus, on his last night with his followers, says in John 14:1-3
Don't let this throw you (that Jesus would die and the disciples would scatter). You trust God, don't you? Trust me. There is plenty of room for you in my father's home. If that weren't so, would I have told you that I'm on my way to get a room ready for you? And if I'm on my way to get your room ready, I'll come back and get you so you can live where I live.
That assertion from Jesus was part of the bedrock of her trust that nothing Mary faced caught God off guard, and that she could confidently rest in his ability to lead her now and take her home when it was her time. This is a believer's hope. Not wishful thinking, but a confidence in a future reality, not yet seen, based on the character of God, who says, "Don't let your heart be troubled; believe...." Mary was comforted by God's presence, and we can share in that same comfort, both that Jesus has Mary close by his side, and that we share in that same hope.
Hope like this has backstopped believers since the beginning. There is a line in the old hymn, Great Is Thy Faithfulness that goes, "Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, blessings all mine and ten thousand besides." That is the comfort we stuff in our backpacks as we leave a believer's funeral and hike back into the flow of traffic on our faith journey. Regardless of the duration of years given to a person, God's promise and our hope in him wraps us up in loving arms that will not fail.
Challenge for us all
Mary was fully engaged in an ever more complex world, but her faith remained simple. As you look over her letter again, she refuses to overthink her faith life. It seems to boil down to "Love God, love others." Faith becomes the filter through which all the details of life pass through, and that filter brings perspective to the most difficult of situations. She writes, "I can't imagine a life without God." Can I? Do I? Could some of my angst find its root in my going it alone?
Solomon, in Ecclesiastes, has an interesting take on funerals. He says that there is much to learn in them for us who remain. Listen to how The Message translates the verse in chapter 7.
You learn more from a funeral than at a feast - after all, that's where we'll end up. We might discover something from it.
What can be discovered at a funeral when all the noise of life is turned down to the point where we can't dodge our own mortality? In times like these, it is good to ponder:
What will they say of my life when I am the guest of honor?
Where are the changes I can make to be a better version of myself?
Why am I waiting to change when my time is fleeting?
Who do I need to talk with, ask forgiveness from, confront, comfort that I have been avoiding?
In Psalm 116, there is a stanza of the song that relates well to a memorial service like we had for Mary.
What can I give back to God for the blessings he's poured out on me?
I'll lift high the cup of salvation - a toast to God! I'll pray in the name of my God;
I'll complete what I promised to God I'd do, and I'll do it together with his people.
When they arrive at the gates of death, God welcomes those who love him.
Oh, God, here I am, your servant, your faithful servant: set me free for your service!
Some day, perhaps sooner but possibly much later, we will be welcomed into his presence, with love. We love because he first loved us and gave himself for us. It looks like a bit of a circle of love. Let's choose to live with that hope in mind, to replace anxiety with the calm that comes from trusting in God and to engage fully in the life laid out before us.
Thanks, Mary, for your friendship and for what I learned Saturday afternoon at Foundry Church where you were the guest of honor.
Music for the week:
...and a couple of jokes
A squad stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station. The flight instructor said, "All right! All you idiots fall out."
Most of the squad wandered away, but one guy remained at attention.
The Instructor walked over to him and raised a single eyebrow.
The guy smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"
__________
THINGS YOU DON'T HEAR ANYMORE
~ "Be sure to refill the ice trays - we're going to have company after while."
~ "Don't forget to wind the clock before you go to bed."
~ "Why can't you remember to roll up your pant legs? Getting them caught in the bicycle chain so many times is tearing them up."
~ "Be sure and pour the cream off the top of the milk when you open the new bottle."
~ "Take that empty bottle to the store with you so you won't have to pay a deposit on another one."
~ "Let me know when the Fuller Brush man comes by. I need to get a few things from him."
~ "You can walk to the store; it won't hurt you to get some exercise."
~ "Don't sit too close to the TV. It's hard on your eyes."
~ "Go out to the well and draw a bucket of water so I can wash dishes."
~ "No! I don't have nine cents for you to go to the show. Do you think money grows on trees?"
~ "It's time for your system to get cleaned out. I am going to give you a dose of castor oil tonight."
~ "Quit crossing your eyes! They'll get stuck that way!"