Navigating Whitewater
Talking with folks these days often feels like I’m navigating whitewater.
I have a few friends who spend as much time as they can on rivers. Ideally they travel for days at a time, camping along the way. The adventure and isolation and occasional dangerous stretches draw them back time and again.
A good friend, who along with his wife and a group of their friends, ran the Colorado for 25 days this winter. This wasn’t their first trip, and he reported that the water was high and many of the more daunting stretches of whitewater were larger than they had ever seen…actually plenty scary.
They would stop above the next stretch of rapids, walk down as far as they could to scout the best, sometimes only route through, and then do their best. If you have never been on a raft in rapids, the power of the water can never be underestimated, lest you get smashed against a rock or caught in a powerful whirlpool, and both happened to this group.
I thought about the times I’ve spent on a raft in the river and how similar it seems to too many of the conversations I have these days. I feel like I’m having to scout every conversation for rocks and whirlpools that carry the potential of destroying a relationship. Around any bend in the discussion lies the next bad stretch.
Clearly, our societal interactions coarsened over the past few years, and polite filters that kept folks from raging over the least offense seem quaint reminders of the past. Whether we blame crude politicians or crass celebrities or the ever-present bias-confirming algorithms in our social media feeds, we have changed.
Imagine a get-together with people you know, but aren’t sure on which ideological turf they have pitched their tent. Now picture the conversation veering into any of these topics:
The current or former occupant of the White House
Ukraine, Gaza, Russia or any other global mess
More bike lanes or room for cars
Tariffs or DOGE or DEI
Education in America or media bias
Homeless camps or what to do with immigration
Vaccines or COVID or election integrity or J6ers
…the list is like a long string of rapids just waiting for the unprepared.
So, what insight does the book have for us to navigate subjects like these, especially within the family of God?
It seems a good beginning is with “who” and not “what.” Writer and teacher Jenn Wilkin has a great line that goes something like, “people are not problems to be solved but individuals to be loved.”
It’s so easy for me to slot a person into a category as soon as I get a glimpse of where they stand on any issue, and either see them as a friend and ally or an idiot and enemy. Not laying aside the worth of one of my siblings in Jesus will often move me off an argumentative spot. Them being on an opposite shore from me in a discussion in no way allows me to write them off, or even enter a verbal tennis match to try to change their mind.
Disagreeing without being disagreeable calls for, first, seeing them as someone to be loved and, second, keeping the issue at hand separate from the person. They are not their opinion. This mindset feeds into Paul’s instruction in Ephesians 4 where he encourages believers to “speak the truth in love.” There is a way to both speak truth and honor the person. You might be labeled by them, that’s their business, but like the book says, “you did not learn Christ in this way.”
Remember the Charlie Sheen interview (when it looked like he was stoned out of his mind) and he kept repeating “Winning!”? Whether he knew it or not, Sheen was reflecting the culture where folks must win at almost any cost. So we gear up for verbal duels, as though we by our words can bring change to a situation far beyond our reach.
And so when we do find ourselves in whitewater another idea from God arrives to help. The book of Proverbs has plenty of tidbits to apply, and one of the best is Prov. 15:1.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Honestly, I’m not so good at this. Competing and jousting and winning is more in my lane, but it is rarely helpful. I had a principal who refused to get riled up when parents came in hot. He told me he worked to imagine himself like a large pillow and just let folks punch themselves out. When they were exhausted, he could move ahead with an alternative idea. They were heard and so was he.
I don’t know if any of this helps or even rings true, but I do know we live in contentious times and conversations can be treacherous. Writing off others who see issues differently is a bad plan, so let’s work from our end to scout the rapids ahead and plan the best way through. It helps to remember that issues are temporary while people are eternal.
At the end, Paul’s words are a good guide when he says in Romans, “so far as it depends on you, be a peace with all people.”
Music for now
…and a funny or two
A couple who'd been married for over 50 years was sitting on the sofa.
The wife said, "Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?" He
moved over and sat close to her.
"Dear," she continued, "do you remember how you used to hold me tight?" He
reached over and held her tight.
"And," she went on, "do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me and
nibble on my ear?"
With that, her husband got up and started to walk out of the room. "Where
are you going?" she asked.
"Well," answered the husband, "I have to go and get my teeth."
*******************
A diner in a restaurant started to choke on a bone. Another diner rushed over and performed the Heimlich Maneuver. The bone popped out.
As the first man's breath and voice returned he said, "You saved my life! How can I ever repay you?"
The other man grinned and said, "I'll settle for one percent of what you were willing to pay while you were choking."