Conversations With a 14-year-old Boy

Our grandson, William, spent a few days with us recently. When all the grands are together, there is rowdy fun. But one grandchild at a time provides the unique opportunity for deeper conversations and greater bonding.

We took William hiking up over Misery Ridge at Smith Rock State Park. Another day, we fished and picnicked on Lake Billy Chinook. We ate truck food cuisine. At least once. Maybe twice. Because we like eating outdoors.

While Dan was filling his pick-up with fuel the day we went to the lake, William and I had a heart-to-heart. I reminded him of how God chose him for our family because of the unusual chain of events that led to his adoption.

“God wanted me to be your grandma,” I said with a smile.

William turned his head quickly. “Did you see that car that just went by?!” he exclaimed.

You see what I mean by “deeper conversations.” (Did I mention he’s a boy? And he’s 14?)

The more, the better

William wanted to shop for school clothes while he was with us. He had been saving money at home and asked if he could do some work to earn a little extra. Of course.

We spent a full morning spreading bark mulch over the landscaped areas in our front and back yards. I was grateful for the help.

After lunch, I grabbed a book and told William to choose one clothing store and one shoe store. (I’ve shopped with this boy before. He takes forever to make up his mind. He wants to visit multiple stores, and then make the rounds a second time. Hence the ground rules.)

I planted myself with my book in a chair at Ross while he shopped. He buzzed by every once in a while. “Grandma, what do these add up to?” I’d do the math and he’d put some items back.

At the end of the afternoon, William was pleased with his purchases. I think the goal was to buy as many items as possible staying within budget vs. buying fewer things, but nicer quality. Or the right color. Or the right size.

Praying scripture

There is no doubt in my mind that William and his two brothers were God’s choice for my daughter and son-in-law to adopt, that they were destined to be in our family. Which means I’m eager to see what unique calling God has for each boy.

And so I pray this scripture over them, from a letter the apostle Paul wrote to new believers in ancient Ephesus:

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” – Ephesians 2:10

The two verses right before being “created in Christ Jesus to do good works” is this:

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.” – Ephesians 2:8-9

As followers of Christ, we’re all called to do good works—not because we can earn anything, but because we each have an important role in the larger narrative. Our stories and gifts and passions fit together exactly as God designed.

Claire Cloninger, songwriter and author, put it this way:

“One of the greatest frustrations of walking through the dailiness of my life as a Christian is that I don’t always get to see how the bits and pieces of who I am fit into the big picture of God’s plan.

“It’s tempting at times to see my life as a meal here, a meeting there, a carpool, a phone call, a sack of groceries—all disjointed fragments of mothering in particular.

“And yet I know I am called, as God’s child, to believe by faith that they do add up. That in some way every single scrap of my life, every step, and every struggle, is in the process of being fitted together into God’s huge and perfect pattern for good.”

God has a divine plan for these grandsons from Uganda. Their lives and struggles and joys are being fitted together into one huge and perfect pattern for good. And I am partnering with God as I pray toward that end.

Dear Father, these boys are each a masterpiece. You created them with a unique set of gifts and abilities and life experiences. You designed some very cool things you want them to do with their lives. Please get them to that place, and may they thrive in it.

Borrow a boy

On our way over the mountains to return William to his parents, I asked what his favorite activity was.

“Spreading bark mulch,” he answered.

Me: “Really?”

William: “Yeah, because it gave me a satisfying feeling.”

If you don’t have a 14-year-old boy, go borrow one and hang out with him for an afternoon, and see if you don’t smile a lot more than if you’d spent that afternoon alone.