We’re Better Together

Not too long ago, I wrote about the importance of community. But in light of attending Steve Toomey’s Sunday School class—based on Bonhoeffer’s book Life Together—I wanted to add a few thoughts about togetherness.

It wasn’t until I relocated to southern California at the beginning of my widow years that I realized how critical the people in Bend were to my well-being. I was part of a church, and even though I attended church in SoCal, it was too large. I knew no one and wasn’t known by anyone there. I missed the connections within my women’s Bible study here in Bend, my knitting posse and wilderness hiking/ snowshoeing team, and the camaraderie I had with my co-workers at St. Charles Cancer Center.

During that sojourn in SoCal, I came to understand more deeply how powerful community is. If I had to sum it up in one sentence, it would begin with accountability and a sense of belonging—belonging to something larger than the individual and knowing these are people who want the best for you, who have your back.

There are several good reasons for joining community, but consider these five:

1. We need human interaction.

No really, I mean we need human interaction. Scientist Matthew Lieberman makes the case that our need for connection is as fundamental as our need for food and water (from Scientific American: “Why We Are Wired to Connect.”) This from Lieberman:

“The data suggest that we are profoundly shaped by our social environment and that we suffer greatly when our social bonds are threatened or severed. When this happens in childhood it can lead to long-term health and educational problems.”

 Our most valuable assets are people—people who love us unconditionally, who hold us accountable, who cheer us on.

2. We need people to infuse us with courage, hope, truth.

Dr. Michelle Bengtson wrote, “Sometimes we need to let others borrow our hope when theirs is lost.”

There are people in our groups who have been where we are, and they can share their courage and wisdom. They can infuse us with hope and offer a listening ear. How valuable to have a safe place to honestly verbalize our triumphs and failures and the things that are troubling us, knowing our people will lift us before the throne of God in prayer.

3. We need people to irritate us.

There are a couple verses in Hebrews 10 that go like this:

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another …” (verses 24-25).

The original Greek for the word spur can be translated, “provoke, irritation of mind.” Which means we have permission to irritate one another toward love and goodness. Equally, we’ll need to be provoked from time to time.

4. We need people to borrow things from.

(I just threw this in to see if you’re paying attention.) But seriously, after relocating from Bend to southern California, I returned to Oregon to take care of a minor health issue. I ended up staying for six weeks of physical therapy but didn’t have the essentials with me, i.e., hiking boots, Camelbak hydration pack. But someone from one of my groups came to my rescue. You see how important community is?!

5. We need reciprocal living.

The value of staying connected is two-way. Remember all the ‘one another’ verses from the Bible, like, “Love one another” (John 13:34); “Through love, serve one another” (Galatians 5:13); and this one: “Bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2)?

Just as we need to love the people God has connected us with, we need their love. Just as we should encourage them, we’ll need their encouragement. Just as we are required to serve them and help bear their burdens, there will be times when we need to humble ourselves to accept their service and burden-bearing.

Better together

I once heard a speaker expound on the power of community. Toward the end of her presentation, she asked someone in the front row of the large auditorium to clap, which came across as rather underwhelming. She then invited another person in the front to join in. Still not impressive.

Next, the entire front row clapped. Hmmm, now we’re getting somewhere. But when the speaker asked everyone in the packed auditorium to clap, the result was thunderous.

It doesn’t matter so much what we call it—life group, crew, tribe, family, clan, posse. It matters that we’re connected.

This thought from G.K. Chesterton:

“There are no words to express the abyss between isolation and having one ally. It may be conceded to the mathematician that four is twice two. But two is not twice one; two is two thousand times one.”

God, math genius that He is, established the exponential power of marriage, of family and friendships, of teams and partnerships. God inspired dinner tables and gathering places and work parties where people share food and laughter and the labor of love. Because we were never meant to do life alone. God created us to do life together with Him and within community.

Community isn’t a passive concept. It’s active. We were meant to feed and be fed, to listen and be listened to, to hold and be held. To include others and be included. We were meant to love and be loved.