7 Gifts to Give Yourself This Year
My daughter Summer married her college sweetheart in the month of December. Several years and six children later, Josh and Summer are still sweethearts. And the only way they can get away for a few days together is when a grandparent is present.
This is where I come in.
Nearly every December during my widow years, I boarded a plane and hurtled toward New Jersey to send The Parents on an anniversary-celebrating trip (they usually treated themselves to Disney World without the kids).
And every year, the trip to Jersey was a Christmas gift to me.
Consider these gifts you can wrap up and give to yourself this holiday season:
1. The gift of staying connected
In widowhood, I set a determination to be with family and friends at holidays and milestone events. Even if it was inconvenient. Even if it was sometimes lonely in those places. Staying connected with our people sends a message to them: You’re important to me.
But I think we get so much more in return. Speaking from my experience, connectedness provides an overwhelming sense of belonging.
This wisdom from Brené Brown:
“Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the courage to be imperfect.”
2. The gift of being in service
When our children were young, the luxury of getting away with my husband was … well, a luxury. And now I get to be in service in this same capacity for my adult children.
Here’s how being in service is a gift to the one serving: By showing kindness or support to others, we give ourselves deep, overpowering, crazy joy.
3. The gift of creating new memories
Every year during the holiday season in New Jersey, the grands and I went ice-skating. And we walked through all the stages of a local live nativity scene, complete with donkeys and sheep and camels and Roman soldiers on horses. And we did a neighborhood scavenger walk, and make homemade pizzas, and read bedtime stories, and built Lego creations. Who needs Disney World when there’s ice-skating, pizza, and Legos?!
Here’s the cool thing about making memories, especially when documented with an excessive amount of photos: They’re with us as long as we remember them.
4. The gift of adventure and courage
A few years ago, my son, Jeremy, and daughter-in-law, Denise, celebrated a milestone anniversary by renting a villa on the coast of Puerto Rico and inviting family and friends to join them.
Although this didn’t occur at Christmastime, it was, nevertheless, a gift from me … to me. Because I had more fun than a grandma ought to be allowed while hanging out with an energetic group of adventure-seeking young people around the pool, on the beach, stand-up paddle-boarding down a lazy river, and partaking of fabulous local cuisine.
And every time we say Yes to adventure, it makes us braver for the next undertaking.
5. The gift of positive self-talk
Sometimes it’s easier to stay home because we’re a third-wheel single person. Or because we have cancer, or we’re not as mobile as we used to be, or we’re on a special diet, which is too much trouble to impose on others.
And sometimes we play the It’s-their-turn-to-visit game.
Practice repeating after me:
“It’s their turn to visit, but it’s easier for me to get on a plane, car, or train headed in their direction.”
“My doctor says I can travel, so why not.”
“I am not a third wheel. My family and friends want me here.”
6. The gift of one-on-one time
A while back, I started a tradition of taking each grandchild out individually for a hot chocolate or ice cream cone when I visited the land of Jersey. It’s one thing to enjoy burbling, rowdy, laughter-filled group moments … and it’s quite another to give your undivided attention to one little person at a time.
Being present and engaged isn’t merely something we give to whomever we’re present and engaged with. It’s also a gift we give ourselves. Because when we invest in creating solid, authentic relationships, the investment comes back around. Only multiplied.
7. The gift of joy
Though this is surely a difficult season for many, there is still much to be grateful for. Part of my gratitude list at the time:
Safe flight to the land of kids and grands
“Cantique de Noel” playing on Pandora — breath-taking keys and strings
Raucous games of Uno where grandchildren show no mercy on their old and decrepit grandmother
Every one-on-one conversation over chocolate steamers and Chai lattes
Every bedtime story, cuddle, kiss, tickle, giggle with The Littles
Every eyeroll from The Teens as I channel their grandfather’s corny humor
This wisdom from David Steindl-Rast: “The root of joy is gratefulness.”
When I focus on all there is to be grateful for, joy overtakes my heart and soul.
Go ahead, wrap up several priceless, gleeful gifts for yourself this year: family-and-friend time, memory-building sessions, gratitude, adventure, positive self-talk, being in service — and see if joy doesn’t wrap you up this holiday season.
