Raising Children to Have a Relationship with God

(Grit & Grace Life asked me to write a piece about how to teach faith and moral values to our children without cramming it down their throats. I’d not given it much thought. My husband and I never had the conversation around, “How are we going to teach without cramming?” But after giving it some consideration, here’s how the article unfurled.)

My mom came to stay with us for a few days when we brought our firstborn home from the hospital. We named her Summer. The day my mom left and my husband returned to work, I found myself home alone with a newborn. I felt so overwhelmed and unprepared. And so I did what other first-time moms might do in this same situation. I cried.

This newborn was my “alone responsibility” for those hours until my husband returned from work. She fully trusted me to take care of her and, like you, I wanted to be the best mom possible.

In time, another tiny bundle entered our family. We named him Jeremy. His big sister called him “Germy,” the best a two-year-old could do.

As Summer and Jeremy grew older, there was never a set time that my husband and I sat down with them and said, “OK, listen. This is what we believe, and you have to believe the same.” We simply lived a quiet Christ-following life to best of our ability.

They saw us reading our Bibles. They heard us pray. They observed our commitment to our church family, and that our interaction with our Creator was based on relationship and not rules. When there was the need to admit we were in the wrong, we role modeled humility and asked for forgiveness: “I’m sorry I was so quick to get upset and not listen fully to all you wanted to say. Will you forgive me?”

Here are the actions I believe led Summer and Jeremy to pursue their own personal relationship with the Lord.

1. Demonstrating prayer

As a family, we prayed and thanked God for providing each meal. We prayed together before bedtime, before being on the road. I asked them if they had anything they wanted us to pray for, and we prayed specifically for those things. Prayer was woven into every aspect of our lives. As they grew older, we asked them if they’d like to pray. And they did.

2. Storing up God’s Word

Our kids had opportunity to memorize scripture verses at home and in children’s church. And there may have been some prizes involved, because why not make scripture memorization fun?! Not only were they storing up God’s truths at a young age, but later, it would come back to encourage them. And that encouragement could be shared with others needing encouragement.

“I have stored up your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” – Psalm 119:11

3. Teaching the importance of community

My husband and I believe in the value of staying connected with our fellow believers. We mostly taught this by example. When Summer and Jeremy were little, they loved going to church where they would see their friends, learn something new, and maybe even come away with a tasty treat.

We explained baptism to our children to make sure they understood its meaning and significance. It was their decision to be baptized and not something we would have forced them to do. Both of them were baptized in their middle school years.

As Summer and Jeremy grew into their teen years, they enjoyed attending summer camps, youth activities, and all-night New Year’s Eve parties with our church youth group.

4. Exhibiting moral values

We talked with our son and daughter about the value of integrity and doing the right thing, about how to treat other people, about telling the truth and not taking things that didn’t belong to them. When it was age appropriate, we had discussions about sexual purity. Most of these conversations were simple and casual—around a dinner table, while running errands, or on a family road trip. And they were illustrated by the way their father and I loved each other and loved the people God sent across our paths.

5. Conversations about their life callings

Beginning before their teen years, we often spoken words of courage to them: “You were created by God with a unique set of gifts and abilities and interests. What do you love doing? What are you good at? There’s a good chance that’s part of what God has destined you to do.” So it was normal for them to come to us with their questions about what God might want them to do with their lives.

Here are two examples of this tip:

Australia street ministry

Halfway through Summer’s high school senior year, she instigated a conversation about her future. She had already decided to pursue higher education, and now she had come to us expressing her desire to serve on a summer mission team before college. But she didn’t know how to chase that down.

“Where have you always wanted to go?” I asked. “And what would you love to do?”

“I guess I’ve always wanted to go to Australia and maybe do some street ministry work,” she responded. And so I encouraged her to look online to see what might be available. As it turned out, Youth With a Mission (YWAM) was taking a street ministry team to Australia that summer, beginning with training in Denver.

Summer learned, however, that the drama/choir street ministry was relegated to high school students, and she had just graduated. I suggested she write a letter to the team leaders, explaining why she felt called to a summer of service in Australia. “It doesn’t hurt to put yourself out there.”

They wrote back: “After reading your letter, how could we not include you on the team?” The YWAM leaders created a position for my daughter as a mentor to the high school girls, to offer spiritual and emotional support—hanging out with them, being available for encouragement and prayer, being a big sister with a listening ear.

From that series of events, Summer learned that God has a calling for each of our lives, and sometimes those callings will be manifest through the desires in our hearts. After praying about it, she began knocking on doors to see which ones God would open and which ones he would keep shut. Summer knew without a doubt that God wanted her on that summer street ministry trip to Australia because of how it unfolded.

Backyard photo lab

Jeremy had a gift for photography early on. In the summer before his senior year, we turned a backyard tool shed into a dark room. He worked several hours for a nonprofit organization in exchange for a good, used developer. That year, he took senior portraits of some of his classmates. He also traveled to Mexico on spring break and captured some fascinating black-and-whites of matadors and bulls, of people living on dump heaps, and happy children playing in the streets.

I remember one conversation toward the end of his senior year. Jeremy wanted to know how he could earn a living utilizing his passion for photography. We brainstormed together, and he accepted the fact that he needed to prepare for a job and do photography on the side until it built into a business that could support him and his family-to-be.

And that’s exactly what he did. He got a full-time job, and on weekends he shot Little League photos, weddings, and food photos for restaurant websites. Today, he and his wife run a photography/talent scout business that takes them across the U.S. and around the world.

One prayer, one scripture, one conversation at a time

Did I parent and teach my kids about our faith and values perfectly? Absolutely not. If asked to record the things I did wrong as a parent, it wouldn’t take long to come up with a hefty list.

But do I like our adult children? Yes, I love being around them and their families. And is this, in part, due to what we poured into their lives while they were still under our roof? Absolutely.

In an article from her advice column for Grit and Grace Life, Dr. Zoe, a licensed psychotherapist, wrote: “I believe that we are obligated as parents to teach our children our beliefs, convictions, and morality. For us to withhold this from our children is a form of neglect.”

As often as we got it wrong, there was much my husband and I did right as we role modeled to the best of our ability a God-honoring lifestyle and an intimate relationship with our Creator. We taught our children our beliefs, convictions, and morality one prayer, one scripture, one conversation at a time.